How to Deal with Shame and Regret on the Faith Journey

How to Deal with Shame and Regret on the Faith Journey

During the faith journey, there comes an important point when we learn how to deal with shame and regret.

We recently watched The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug.  The character Bard the Bowman struck a chord in me because he and his family bore the shame of an ancestor who failed to destroy the dragon, Smaug.  Fortunately, Bard and his family are redeemed when Bard and his son have a second chance to destroy the dragon.

With Bard’s storyline in mind, I began to question why Christians talk about how Jesus bore our sin, but we never talk about how Jesus bore the shame in our lives. The Bible teaches us how to deal with shame.

What is shame?

What is shame? Shame is a deeply intense feeling combining disgrace, disappointment, condemnation, and guilt. The enemy attempts to turn situations where you experience shame into a false identity of low self-worth. Low self-worth is one of the many examples of shame in life.

When we experience trauma from someone we trusted, make poor decisions for ourselves, or inherit sin from our family, shame finds an open door to invite itself into our lives. Many situations that introduce shame into our lives have nothing to do with our own actions but result from someone else’s actions.

No matter how shame enters our lives, its effects impact our lives intensely. Just like sin, shame is not easily hidden. Some examples of shame come through jealousy, discontentment, and strife.

What is shame:  Sarah, the Biblical example

In Genesis 16, Sarah’s shame is exposed through her struggle with infertility. Infertility during this time and culture in the Bible brought an intense shame and disgrace upon a woman.  Sarah was no stranger to this shame and disgrace, and she decided to do something about the shame and disgrace.

Rather than deal with the shame and disgrace, Sarah gives her servant, Hagar, to her husband to bear Sarah a child. Sarah wanted a child for Sarah, not for Abraham.

The only problem was that the child born to Hagar brought Sarah more shame and disappointment.  Sarah’s shame builds into jealousy, discontentment, and strife towards her servant Hagar and the child, Ishmael.

In Genesis 18, the Lord promises Abraham that his wife, Sarah, will conceive and bear an heir for Abraham. A year later, Sarah delivers Isaac, but Sarah’s shame has taken on an ugly life of its own, and she begins to regret her choices to deal with shame.

Genesis 21: 9-10 NIV says, “But Sarah saw that the son whom Hagar the Egyptian had borne to Abraham was mocking, and she said to Abraham, ‘Get rid of that slave woman and her son, for that woman’s son will never share in the inheritance with my son Isaac.’”

Sarah was bearing the fruit of her sin and shame, but she also wanted to be rid of the consequences of her sin and shame. Abraham was distressed, but God was merciful to both Sarah and Hagar. God instructed Abraham to grant her request, and He redeemed the forsaken Hagar.

Instead of looking upon her broken record, the Bible later mentions that Sarah is a woman of faith!  Hebrews 11:11 NIV says, “And by faith even Sarah, who was past childbearing age, was enabled to bear children because she considered him faithful who had made the promise.”

How to Deal with Shame and Regret

Do you want to know how to deal with shame and regret?  Say goodbye to the shame in our lives as we proceed on this faith journey.

2 Corinthians 5:17 NIV says, “Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: The old has gone, the new is here!”

In a simple conversation at a well, Jesus reveals the true shame a Samaritan woman has experienced and tells her of a new identity in Christ.  At that moment, God gives her the identity, and she says goodbye to her shame.  Receiving forgiveness and gaining a new identity in Christ answers the question of how to deal with shame and regret.  Ephesians 1:4-6 NIV says, “…In love he predestined us for adoption to sonship through Jesus Christ, in according with his pleasure and will—to the praise of his glorious grace, which he has freely given us in the One he loves.”

Christian friend, we are adopted into God’s family through Jesus Christ, so we can say goodbye to sin and shame just like an orphan child adopted into a new loving family says goodbye to an old name and an old way of life.  We now have new life in Christ Jesus, our Lord. We have a new identity without sin, shame, and regret, so do not hold onto the shame in your life from your old self.

Hebrews 12:1-2 NIV says, “…let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfector of faith…”

Because Jesus bore our sin and shame on the cross, it is time to rid ourselves of EVERYTHING that hinders us, including the shame.

Now is the time in this faith journey to say goodbye to shame and to remain in Christ Jesus, our Lord!

Spend some quiet time in God’s presence today and experience God’s love so that you can say goodbye to shame and remain in Christ.

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